Hindsight is 20 20, and this disease makes you question everything. This is why for newcomers here, most of the old timers give advice like - educate yourself, understand the nuances of your disease, know the available treatment, know the top hospitals, know what's normal, and what's not, seek out the top drs. etc... Unfortunately, this is information that not everyone has unless they find a site like this - ideally our hospitals, should be forthcoming with it, but often aren't. And to be honest human nature, prevents us from seeking out this info until we absolutely have to (fear!!!) What they don't realize is that the knowledge, though terrifying, is power and gives you the strength to advocate for yourself. And some people place their lives in the hands of their doctors, only to be disappointed or realize too late that maybe they should see someone else. This is why educating yourself is most important.

This point has never been made more clear than recently. After having watched my friend pass last year, and seeing what she went through with the medical establishment as a whole, I truly believe that anyone facing a life threatening illness, should either fully educate themselves, or at least have someone knowledgeable advocate for them.

My father inlaw was recently diagnosed with Esophageal cancer. Its a T3N1MO tumor at the esophageal/Stomach junction. Its SCC, and not Adenocarcenoma - which is the norm for this location. His specialist - a general surgeon who biopsied the area - wanted to send him to a local thoracic cardiologist - another surgeon who deals with this type of cancer here at the local hospital. Now had I not already looked up the top dr. in Toronto, he would likely still be waiting for surgery, or possibly even the first appointment to see a the thoracic cardiologist here. I immediately asked for a referral to the top Thoracic dr. in Toronto who specializes in this type of cancer, and two weeks ago (literally a week after having been dx'd and having his CT) he met with the dr. I chose, who works out of PMH in Toronto (our top cancer center) - within 1 day after that, he'd had a PET, a secondary scope on the following monday, blood work, echo, breathing test, meeting with a radiation oncologist, and Friday he had his radiation simulation. Here instead of cutting first they do rads and chemo, and then surgery. Now we're waiting on his start date... likely next week though I am concerned about the fact that his MO appointment is a week away. I want it moved up. If someone hadn't stepped up he would likely be looking at a totally different treatment locally and waiting a stupid amount of time. Knowledge truly is power.

That said. Beating yourself up or second guessing yourself after the fact is a waste of energy. Make plans to change what you can.

hugs.