thank you both for responding. i am fortunate that i do have a wonderful sister that lives only 10 minutes away, my best friend of over 40 years lives 5 house down and our 24 year old daughter still lives at home with us and she is a certified patient care technician specializing in older patients with dementia. my husbands family lives about 20 minutes away but i really think they are in denial about how serious jims condition is. he hides alot from people and when they ask he tells people he feels great. he doesnt want pity or to worry anybody. he can be in so much pain but people will always see him smiling. just today he said to me how weird it was but sometimes he just forgets that he is sick and for a few minutes everything is great and then he remembers. he tells me that he isnt ready to die yet but is starting to accept that it will happen. its so hard to listen to and im not ready to have the "death" talk. he has told me his wishes but we really havent discussed things like hospice or who he wants to leave certain things to. we arent ready for that yet. my friend lost her husband to pancreatic cancer 2 years ago. his name was mark and he was only 48 years old. jim wasnt diagnosed yet and i remember us talking after the funeral about how we could never imagine how hard that would be to watch a spouse die from cancer and how lucky we were that we were healthy. 3 months later jim was diagnosed with cancer. it has been a rollercoaster ride for almost 2 years now. my friends threw a benefit for jim on june 30th. it was wonderful. we had hundreds of people come out and support jim and his fight. we wanted to have it while he was healthy enough to enjoy it. he had such a great time. i have seen my husband cry 4 times. once when his brother died 4 years ago from diabetes, the day he was diagnosed, the day of his benefit and this past thursday when we were told that the clinical trial didnt work. jim is the perfect image of a man who enjoys life so much. i always said he was a 44 year old man on the outside and a 12 year old boy on the inside. he loves to have fun, play with our nieces and nephews, loves video games and pouts like a child when he looses. all the neighborhood kids love him and he is kind to everyone he meets. the saying only the good die young has never been more truthful then in jims case. if our life story of love, sickness and eventually heartbreak for me can make one person hug their spouse more, love their spouse more and realize what a gift it is to spend a healthy life with the other half of your heart, something that is going to be taken from me, then im okay with telling strangers details of jims illness. What I would give to have him healthy again..most of you were given such a gift of a second chance, use it well and remember how lucky you are. God bless you all and please pray that my jim can stay on this earth for a bit longer. im not ready to lose him yet, but then i again i dont think ill ever be ready for that.