Hello Wendy, I am new to this site and feel a little awkward replying to you when there are so many on here who must know so much, however your situation with Jim has really moved me to respond to you.
Firstly, I'm so sorry for you and can really understand your bewilderment, anger and fears. I think any way you can get through this is ok, whatever it takes. All the other advice given by others has been in my opinion spot on, look after yourself, cos if you don't you can't be there for Jim, exploring medications for you both as your situation changes and getting all those vital supports around you.
I write to you as all the females in my family have had cancer (all different types - I'm the only one to have had BOT cancer), my mum died at 54, my dear sister in law at 37 and 2 years ago my niece who I brought up after her mum died. My niece was a fabulous woman who had just given birth to a son and had a daughter of 2, so it fely so very tragic and unfair. What was worse for me was that I couldn't be with her as she died as she was living in NZ. We spoke on the phone the day she died. I had prepared a page of what I wanted to say but she started and said pretty much all the same things to me. It's wonderful that you can be with Jim right now, next to him to support and love. I do hope you can enjoy some of the time and not let it be spoiled by future worry and fears. Easier said than done. On the day she died my niece was taken outside to feel the sun on her face and the wind in her hair by her sister and she said it was such a gift. To be close to someone dying and to be alongside them is tough (I did this with my mum and sister in law)but I think somehow, we as carers can often connect with an inner strength (albeit often with a lot of background help)and get through even those most difficult of times.
Lastly I just wanted to say I managed an organisation here in Britain called Crossroads, which is set up to care for carers. Doing that I met many many carers and have listened to many tragic life situations and I know sometimes there isn't anywhere near enough support to assist people in their caring role. So I do urge you to accept support whenever and wherever it comes from. For myself I am in tears thinking of you right now and send you my heartfelt wishes for as positive a time to come as you can have together.
Lynne