Hi Jenkensmom

I would recommend that you go with him the first time and tell him it's for you not him. He might be trying to protect you and this is actually not very productive.

Alex also tried to block me until he understood that it was as much for my peace of mind as his. Once he realised he wasn't being a burden, and he also didn't have to put on a brave face (got to the point where he couldn't anyway), he was ok with it (that and the fact that he finally realised that I wasn't going to back down AND I was holding the car keys ). Afterwards, he was truly appreciative (I think).

Alex was unable to take a single thing he was told on board that first day. I took over the logistics including talking to the ancillary staff and he concentrated on himself and getting better. I went to all the chemoradiation days - just to make the day go by faster for Alex and to keep in touch with the cancer co-ordinator, dietician, and other ancilliaries. I only went to the first induction chemo and for the others, just settled him in and left. It turns out that Alex was hospitallised for most of his induction phase so it was often a case of visiting him on chemo day until the first bag went up and then leaving him to it. I also worked full time during the whole thing although I took an awful lot of time off between one crisis and another (only indirectly chemo/cancer related).

The interesting thing that I find is that at the time you wonder if you are strong enough to get through it and is it all worth it and afterwards you feel like it wasn't so bad. Quite a strange phenomenon - bit like having a baby, going through all that agony and then forgetting the pain because the outcome outweighs everything.