John, ditto all the good advice you have gotten from other surivors/caregivers. I am EXACTLY one year ahead of you, and am living proof that it does get better. Someday this will all be just a memory for you, and you will remember how far you have come and how truly blessed you are. As zenga...said, there are others who have suffered more and are back here every day inspiring others. One day YOU will be one of the survivors giving hope to others.

I have just spent the last 2-1/2 days with Eric Statler, who is about the most amazing unselfish person I have ever met. He was dealt a horrible hand, and chose to keep on going and work with what he has left, not dwell on what he once had.

Eric, Charm, Christine, Chuck Feeney and others are all my heroes.... they stories kept me going when I was feeling like you feel now.

Please consider some short-term anti-depressant assistance as klo says. Talk to your docs...you need to heal your body and use whatever is at your disposal to do that.
Wishing you the best.