John of Arc

[quote]I guess it just isn't comforting when I hear people are a year out, 3 years out, 6 months out and still feel this way. It's not encouraging.,,,,And it's even more frustrating that no one else seems to have experienced this problem. [/quote]
First, you probably don't realize this, but posts with anguish like the quote above, really help many other readers on OCF. Most of the OCF members just read not post yet almost all of the newer members have feeling like you express. So thanks for being willing to spill out your heart here, saying what many others think but don't say for many reasons (fear of being seen as self-pitying, naturally stoic, etc etc.)
While I have no easy solution (or actually any solution) to the existential issues you raise, I did want to address your frustration about the mucous and speech. There have been literally hundreds if not a thousand posts complaining about the thick mucous or not being able to speak so on that point you need a major reality check. Its extremely common not some unique burden placed upon you. But I know that from being on the OCF forum so long and reading not only the threads that were there when I joined, but searching through the archived threads.
It's your first sentence that explains why the mucous and speech thing is not a continued subject. I worry all the time that I would be discouraging a new patient or scaring them to death if I went into detail about these type of issues that I experienced. And I am not even remotely as sensitive and caring as all the other posters here when it comes to telling the truth. I try to focus on what got me through them and share that.
Trust me that we know just how bad it is not to be able to talk without choking on mucous. But it did get better for almost all of us.
Last but not least, [quote]It's days like these I wish I had made a different choice[/quote]. Let's explore that: you could have chosen no radiation. Then your cancer would have come back and you would need extensive surgery or else just die. If you chose to fight and survive, then you could have these devastating mucous & speech issues not just for 2 months but for the rest of your life. You could wake up 4 to 5 times a night, unable to breathe, run to the bathroom to gargle and spit out the mucous that is literally choking you to death. You could be unable to use the telephone most of the time since no voice recognition unit nor the majority of people understand anything you say. That's my life. (and I used to be a spellbinding orator)
The odds are very very good that the above will not be your life. Don't give up Hope. Of course you are impatient and angry. Now understand me, I don't want you to stop posting your fears, your concerns. As I started up above, you are helping other OCF members who feel just like that but can't or won't express it. I just want you to know that you are not alone in your suffering and that we have been there and done that and are still having good lives. So hang on to HOPE
Charm