Well I am alive and somewhat well (no recurrances anyway). But I realize now, that I suffer from depression and PTSD and oftentimes have a difficult time focusing, even invoicing for work I have already done. Life also got busy -probably to escape the depression. I watched the show on HBO "Wartorn" and had so many of the symptoms of PTSD that the light bulb finally lit up. I can't remember when I slept 8 hours straight.

I went back to college and found it much more challenging than I thought. My wifes mother died and I lived at a hospital for a month sleeping on chairs in the waiting room (complications from a surgery gone awry). I have a difficult time staying on task, miss deadlines and that is not good for business. I still have neck spasms and sometimes they are worse. My blood pressure is high (which it never was before) and I have many dizzy spells. I was in foreclosure for almost a year and somehow obtained a HAMP loan modification which leaves me a whopping $120/mo left after my senior advantage deduction from SSDI. I have made attempts to re-engage in the forum but it is very difficult reliving cancer all over again and again. But you can't really escape it - it's always there waiting in the wings like the grim reaper. The financial devastation is something that I am sure anyone with some days can understand. Business contacts are compromised, the economy is in the toilet and the people Obama put in to run the FDA are a bunch of idiots. I have to hustle every month to survive and have been on austerity for as long as I can remember.

I spent last year selling my stuff on Craigslist, which is probably a good thing because I had way too much stuff. Selling stuff on line is actually a full time job. You have to have about 20 items posted, write the add copy, take great photographs, and then you have to close the deal when the buyer shows up. I knew what "bundling" was long before American Pickers came on the air.

Oftentimes I feel like I have let everybody down - wife, bandmates, business partners, friends, Brian, OCF, etc. My wife suffers many of the same maladies that I do and we both "present" well so people don't see the brokeness.

I am grateful for the almost 8 years of being cancer free (yesterday was the 8th anniversary of my original diagnosis), not to leave this thread in a funk. I wish you all good health...