Time to talk to your social worker Nathan. They will refer you to a counsellor who can help you talk you through your issues.

I understand every single one of your thoughts, Alex had them too.

Remember too that your immune system is down which will make you feel down, you have more stress than you can reasonably manage without feeling down and you are on serious drugs that can cause the sort of hopelessness you are feeling.

Listen to Anne Marie - it may be something simple like a side effect or even too much of a good thing that can be fixed by changing or adjusting your medications. For this reason you need to speak to your doctor about how you are feeling and what you are experiencing (ie nightmares, feelings of paranoia, being deserted by friends etc).

About the small sore. Nothing heals during radiation - you will have to wait till it is over before you see anything improve and even then it will be slower than normal. My Alex still has a small ulcer on his tongue which appeared during the first week of radiation and is still there, though smaller and less painful, 8 weeks after radiation finished.