Thanks all for hearing me. I really don't feel free to vent to my loved ones. I guess part of being a mom is to hide how we feel so we don't upset others. Thus the smiles even the days I don't feel like smiling. I have had a slew of health issues since my cancer diagnosis. It just feels never ending. I think the final straw has been that my tongue burns day and night and I have been having neck issues. So I am still on pain killers, I feel guilty and want off of them, I try to get off and the pain is intense and I think I am somewhat addicted cause I get sick and tired when I try not to take them. I really am not taking a lot, a couple percocet in the evening after fighting the burn all day and I have been on a couple tramadol in the morning it really helps without being drugged up. I am being treated at a pain clinic which makes me feel like a druggie. Then I visit here and feel like the cancer will return, and the waiting is killing me. Anyway I think that is why I can't come here often cause it just scares me to death.
Again thank you all for listening, I pray for all of you and myself daily. This disease sucks and it just makes a mess of us and our lives I am so sorry for all of your pain, hurt and evrything we all go through. I will have my 8 month check july 7th and for some reason I just have a terrible forboding about it, probably nothing just starting to be that time I think.