Dear Jeff,

After I read Vanessa's post, I went back and re-read some of my entries (I haven't re-read a single entry since the dates they were posted). YIKES!! Sorry to have scared the crap out of you!!!!

I can only hope the burn in your arms from holding the 30lbs over your head for 8 hours straight takes your mind off the not so pleasant things you might have read. ;-)

Always remember that everyone's experiences with this stupid, stupid cancer are different. It wasn't bad 24/7. There were good moments and bad moments...and some awful moments. But that was Dan's story. Your story might be entirely different.

There are only a handful of people that I have read about who have not lost more than 10 pounds. Dan lost over 40. By the time his medical team was deliberating if he needed a PEG (that was post treatment)he was in no condition to have another procedure done...and yet he couldn't afford to lose another pound.

While the hospital Dan was treated at was the best in the area, they did not have a tremendous amount of experience with Dan's particular cancer. And, they didn't have ANY prior experience switching a patient over from Cisplatin to Erbitux. My advice would be to get a PEG while you are feeling strong and healthy! If I knew then what I know now I would have demanded one early on!

Because Dan was often dehydrated (partially because of the no PEG situation)and his veins were a little messed up from the chemo...the nurses had a very hard time getting IV's started or blood tests done towards the end of treatment and post treatment.

With the PEG you can get fluids down, much needed calories and the protein needed for healing. It also helps with any medication that is too big or difficult to swallow.

If you have 5 treatments down, you have one week out of the way...you only have 5 1/2 weeks left!! Piece o' cake! :-) Part of the battle is mental, so keep the faith!!!

Great that you are connecting with a behavioral psychiatrist! Spill your guts out and tell her about the crazy woman who scared the crap out of you! ;-)

I'll keep an eye out for your postings...when you are over the hurdle and on the road to recovery, I'll share with you the really, REALLY awful things that occurred during treatment (Kidding, Just Kidding!!!) Apparently, I shared it all in my midnight ramblings on my blog. :-)

You have a good attitude...and a sense of humor...both will serve you well during the weeks ahead.