Hi Wendy

my husband was more a "what i dont know won't hurt me" type of a guy.For a month he valiently hung on to his GP'S diagnosis of a salivary gland stone.He refused to EVER mention when questioned ,the possibility of cancer,and got furious with me for what he called "gossiping behind his back",as i was always quite open when asked what was wrong with him.When the day came when he could no longer pretend he got drunk,and while under the influence,he offloaded all his feelings in one great deluge.It really was the only time he could ever express his feelings,alcohol loosened his tongue!!!It became clear that he considered cancer his destiny,and he never ever expected to recover and never listened to any of the doctors predictions and statistics.He also never discussed his illness,and hated me talking about it.I became his mouth and his ears,and he just retreated into his own world of acceptance.He went through every treatment protocol handed to him,and i lived on this forum,and used it to dump my hopes,fears and questions.He refused to give the impression of being a victim,and when asked he was always "fine" attempting to carry on his life as if nothing was happening.As his wife this was very very difficult,and my refusal to accept his way of dealing with things did on occasion cause huge rows and long periods of non commuication.

Being a carer is a minefield wendy,and i thanked god every day for having my own personal bomb disposal team here on OCF.

good luck

liz