Another voice from the male patient population here. After the initial shock of the diagnosis (found accidentally during a cervical fusion operation), I listened to the doctors, asked the relevant questions, and decided on the most aggressive treatment course, which they told me had "excellent" prospects for a cure.
I set goals for myself -- perhaps unreasonable at the time, but nonetheless were my goals:
1. No PEG Tube
2. Drive myself to treatments every day
3. Continue working as long as possible
4. Exercise
I made all of them, and ended up missing only 3 days of work -- when I was in the hospital for the neck dissection.
My other goal was to not let my wife or son see those times when I was really scared. I know I was less successful at this, but I did my damndest, and I still do.
Now, this likely seems very Neanderthal to many, but in my testosterone infected mind, it provided the illusion of control. So long as I could decide the treatment course, and so long as I could take the necessary actions to meet my goals, I felt like I was doing everything I could. I have no control over the results, just the process. I followed every doctor's instruction, with the possible exception of working too much. ;-) It was really tough some days, but getting through it made me feel more in control.
In my world, my wife and son's roles were (and are) far tougher. They don't even have actions to take that can give them the illusion of control. Hence, I tried to do everything to make life seem as normal as possible. Could others possibly construe it as denial? Perhaps. Except for the fact that I was, and am, keenly aware of the possiblity that the whole thing could blow up on me at a moment's notice. We all understand that possibility, but we try to refuse to let our lives be dominated by it. It's possible I could get run over by a bus or killed by an irate co-worker (a more real threat) any day.
When you get right down to it, it boils down to that whole "Viva le Difference" or Mars/Venus thing. Guys are "handlers". If we can take action, we feel better. Again, sometimes it's an illusion, but it's MY illlusion and I will play with it how I see fit! ;-)
