Michele, my name is Bill and I am a cancer survivor. Oops, wrong forum. Not really though as many of the same principles apply in both situations.

If you were to read my blog you would see that for all intent and purposes my marriage was essentially dead prior to diagnosis. However, I had made the decision not more than a few weeks prior to diagnose that I was somehow going to save it. I am and will be eternally grateful that I made that decision before diagnosis which allows me to know it was not the cancer that saved our marriage.

Nothing works for everyone. Every situation is different because we as individuals are all different. For the most part I attempted to keep everything as "normal" as possible through treatment, both times. It was not easy. As Steve mentioned above, we change and I have seen in myself that I changed a lot. Being able to actually see and accept that has helped me in dealing with all that is going on.

There were, and still are, times when I just plain have to be alone. Recently as I was leaving the house to visit my brother's grave, who died from kidney cancer some nine years ago, my wife asked if I wanted some company. I emphatically replied NO. She replied that that was a fair answer and let it be. She knew I needed to be alone.

Although the frequency of them is far less than they used to be, we still have our disagreements, aka hollering sessions. Believe it or not they really do help. More than once I have used the phrase, "I am not an invalid". My life is still changing. Many things are no longer as they were before.

Because I am nearly fully dependent on my PEG for my nourishment we no longer go out for dinner. I miss the hell out of that, but accept is an part of the new "normal." Having sold my business and moved from Florida to Massachusetts, I am not "semi-retired." I want to find some kind of work but my wife insists I don't, until I am further along with healing. Not working has obviously put a financial drain on us, which in turn adds to the every day stress of how are we going to pay for this or that. The bill collectors cannot deposit a "I am recovering from cancer." I am not sure why, the fact that I am recovering is certainly of great value to me.

Separation can be good in helping to heal, but it can also be bad if it allows a crack in a relationship become a rapidly growing chasm. Somewhere there is a middle ground that works. The secret is finding it.

Rant, rave and be yourself, knowing that not only Jesse, but you also are changing. Change together. I have found that my "new" marriage is far better than the one I had before, and I am really enjoying every second of it, including the occasional spats.

If you think it would help, and not cause a problem I am even up to giving Jesse a call and sharing my experience with him. What you two are going through now, along with the baggage from prior to his diagnosis is nothing to be ashamed of.

Many, many of us go through this crap, and many, many survive. All it takes is a bit of work on both sides, and in some cases a willingness to accept the help of others that can share their experience. I have been there, twice now, have the t-shirts that say so and stand ready to help in any way I can.

Hang tough lady, and be yourself. You and Jesse will appreciate that as time goes on.

Bill