Liz - I can relate to so much in your recent post. It is so hard to be away from things and people that you are used to. Don't ever hesitate to express your honest feelings - chances are very high that many others have felt the very same way. The three weeks post treatment were the most difficult for both my son and me. I could tell he was in pain and I was so anxious to see any signs of improvement which seemed so slow in coming. Most of the time he did not speak at all but just answered yes or no questions with gestures. He kept the house dark and when the TV was on, it was on so low that I couldn't hear it anyway. It was too dark to read. (I did manage to use my laptop, tho) He also sat close to a heater and two humidifiers. When other people or his daughter came over, he talked! and of course they had the impression he was much better than he was. I finally asked him one day - why he could speak with them but not with me and he said it's because his throat hurt so much, he had to save it for when someone came, especially his daughter so he could speak to her. I understood that, but I did long for a smile, and eventually it did come. There were days, tho' that after he dozed off, I would get in the car and go home for a while just to be able to see the sun and breathe the fresh air. Liz - is there someplace close you could go to for just a little while and sort of renew yourself - breathe fresh air and think beautiful thoughts? I don't think Robin is being selfish - not intentionally, anyway - he's just reacting the way most people do in his situation. But you have a right to say how things make you feel without accusing him of being selfish. If you talk in "feeling" words rather than accusatory "You" words, the message tends to be received a lot more positively. Like "I feel un-loved when you don't talk to me". Gary, in his post, suggested a support group which I think is a great idea - because then you have real human beings to talk in person and share experiences so you won't feel alone. Usually the hospitals (at least here) have several groups for caregivers to share experiences or just vent. Hope I haven't made this too long - I really feel what you are going thru' and want you to know that you are very very close to an upturn in this roller-coaster ride. There is a light coming soon!