Lia,

This is a bit late but I wanted to share with you my experiences on both sides of cancer. My mother ultimately lost her battle after 9 greuling months of ovarian cancer. What you share in your post is what I went through many times during the journey with her. You reach a point of total exhaustion and when you want to rejoice in the glimmer of hope and happiness, the patient doesn't cooperate. Up to now you have been "in charge" of coordinating everything and the entire team has listened and your ideas are very important. Suddenly everything is quiet at the end of treatment much like the calm before the storm. The intense routine that has been going on is abruptly changed and now you have to settle into a new pattern. This is very normal for the circumstances.

Like Gary and Robin, I had glimmers of hope and the feeling some days I could do anything I used to do again. I found myself worse off because of the surges of energy and doing something until I was exhausted. My striving for independence put me in a worse condition than if I had just taken things easy.

Ultimately I had to ask my wonderful wife to not go to the doctors so she could start putting her life back together. There is nothing in this journey for any of us that is easy.

I hope you have the time to talk some of this over with Robin (without the morphine). It is so important to communicate what you are experiencing.

Best Wishes,

Ed