Oh Mandi!!!! How very familiar that scenario sounds,and how many memories of drives home from the hospital blinded by scalding hot tears it brings back.
Without a doubt Robins apparent total disregard and contempt for my input and my feelings ground me down to the point of leaving,which of course i eventually did for a short while,a decision which sometimes i regret bitterly,and at other times i know was the hardest but the right thing to do because ultimately i wouldn't have had the strength to cope with what was to come.

It Wasn't until the palliative care team with all their practical and emotional experience were on board that i managed to even begin to understand why he was behaving the way he was.They had seen it all before many many times and sat for ages talking me through all the reasons why he was so aggressive and seemingly dismissive of my part in his care,and how his disease was affecting me.

I realise Dennis isn't in the same place as Robin was but the worst time we had was post Tx long before we found out he wasnt going to make it,and seemed to be born of anger and frustration because his recovery wasnt following the route we had been told he would take,and it was so much two steps forward and sometimes three steps back.That coupled with the drugs and the fear of the future were a pretty explosive mix .

None of this will help you at this stage of the game,you are exhausted,scared,frustrated,hurt and i bet you feel totally unappreciated and also very angry.
i promise you although it wont make all these feelings go away,you are not alone honey,but you need to find two things.

Firstly someone for you to be able to talk too,and secondly someone for Dennis to comunicate his feelings and frustraions too.

Juliekay,Margaret myself and many many others have unfortunately walked in your shoes and its not easy and is not pleasant,so please do not hesitate to use our experiences to let us help where we can.It does get better i promise.

love and hugs
liz


Liz in the UK

Husband Robin aged 44 years Dx 8th Dec 2006 poorly differentiated SCC tongue with met to neck T1N2cM0 Surgery and Radiation.Finished TX April 2007
Recurrence June/07 died July 29th/07.

Never take your eye off the ball, it may just smack you in the mouth.