Hi Mandi, I am actually a lay Christian counselour but have been an active AA member for the past 8 years and have secretaried and chaired many AA meetings. I was also a facilitator in a substance abuse recovery ministry for over 4 years.

The best thing you can do is to set appropriate boundaries for yourself. Instead of issuing threats, ultimatums, etc., which will NOT work, you can decide at what point his behavior is unacceptable to you and take action for yourself. It is always better to give choices. For example, "you can drink if you wish but I am taking the children and staying at mom's house until you are sober".

Having ANY discussion while he is under the influence is folly and a waste of time. It's always ok to share your feelings.

His sister drinks alcoholicly as well. Normal people don't "guzzle a nightly six pack". She is drinking "for the effect".

Dennis is living proof of the "sins of the father". Your children are at great risk of carrying the legacy if the cycle is not broken.

The disease of alcoholism is the only one that you know full well the consequences yet can't stop. Let's face it - the guy gets a potentially lethal disease, most likely from using/abusing tobacco/alcohol, gos through a relatively horrific treatment protocol, then drinks even more - classic denial, alcoholic behavior. Having a life threatening disease is also a great excuse for a "pity party" also (not that any of us NEEDED a reason to get drunk).

Alcoholics are masters at making everyone else be responsible for them. After all his drinking is YOUR problem - not his. I have heard more than one person say, "I don't have relationships, I take hostages", Are you the hostage? These are the hard questions you have to ask yourself. Another thing you will learn in Alanon is that rescuing and codependent behavior actually exacerbate the situation.

Some people have success with interventions. You may run into people in Alanon who have gone that route.

Alcoholism is a disease about life and death - just like cancer. I see many parallels between the two. The program has helped me to cope with cancer and not have to drink over it. And I've had some pretty shitty days during Tx.