Thank you all for your support. You have no idea how hard it has been for me to acknowledge this problem privately, let alone, put it into words.

My life no longer resembles what it was two years ago. I find myself staying up all night with my thoughts while it is quiet, and sleeping the day away until my boys get home. Then it takes all my energy to make life as normal as possible for them. I find my greatest obstacle with coping right now is absolutely NO patience for so called "important" issues. The solicitor that calls at dinner, the science fair project, the unsigned agenda,....or my favorite.....the asswipe teacher who told my son that being absent on Veteran's Day was an unexcused absence!!!!! Don't get me wrong, I'm over the desperate phase. Not long ago I was either crying or in a vegetable state. With the help of my anti-depressants, most of the symptoms have been relieved.....or maybe "numbed", when it comes to caring so much. But to be honest, sometimes the smallest irritants can send me over the edge temporarily.

I will never understand Dennis' mentality. In the past he has always been the take-control, fixer-upper in our family. For me to find him this weak, is like living with a stranger. There used to be lucid moments that tended to give me hope, but each time he returned to the stupor. Now, if not at work, he is in a perpetual black-out. I mourn him constantly, as if he has already passed.

I will be looking into the nearest Alanon meeting tomorrow. I'm educated enough to know that I need this.........along with my boys. The hardest part is the total helplessness that I feel while still in love with the "old" Dennis.

I'm only 36. But I feel 90. I've got to pick up my life at this point, and stop trying to live for him.

I love you all and God Bless,
Mandi