Get with alanon and take care of yourself first. If you let the situation get a hold on you than you will render yourself unavailable as a help.
Its not easy but it is nessecary. I entered AA in 1982 and have remained sober ever since. What I learned there has helped cope with my present situation and have not had a desire to go back to the bottle. The program really works for those who want help.

5-02 SCC T1N1M0 Stage 3 Right Tonsil
6-02 Right Radical Neck Disection
9-03 Recurrent SCC Dx Stage 4 unknown prim
12-03 7 Chemo
12-03 36 Rad
5-04 Left Upper Lung Wedge Resection neg
7-04 Right Parotidectomy
9-04 Began IMRT
10-04 Ended IMRT