Hi Gordon et al,

Know the feeling about "friends" disappearing very well. And the strange looks when I had just finished radio, especially the perusing look and frown from a young neighbour (8 yrs old), at my red, burned neck and cheeks, plus the long scar, from the radical neck dissection, and the water bottle in hand! The look from an innocent child always stays in your mind, but there was no difference in the way she treated me, just acceptance.

I always think of what my sister endured through childhood to adulthood. She was born with a cleft palate and hair lip...my mother didn't have her until after an operation to close the palate and lip. She was born in 1951, when microsurgery was not available. She had to survive the jests at school - she did cope when joked at by taking out her plate and saying, "this is my spider and it will attack you!"

When she was going to run away from home (as I'm sure most of us did when young), Mum said, "and don't forget your toothbrush...oh, and where will you brush your teeth?" Her response? She cried, unpacked her little bag and didn't run away!

Through her teen years she had several operations to have a decent looking nose, plus for other reasons. She worked hard for her speech to sound normal (I still get angry when I hear people do that "blocked nasal" speak, often used in comedy shows).

Through all of these handicaps she has more confidence and public personality than me, has two gorgeous children (young men now!). So I'm really not too worried about my appearance, which is minor to what she went through, and my scars are becoming less noticeable...

My friend who has cervical (another recurrence 3 years down the track, extra radio and chemo aren't working too well), thought my cancer was more difficult than hers, as I have to wear my scars on the outside. I thought hers was worse than mine, being on the inside (and also her treatment)! We have become much closer through our cancers...it helps to have someone in sort of the same ballpark to talk to...and I agree with others that OCF is such a great place...don't feel so alone.

Cheers!

Tizz