Gordon,

This is a pep talk. Like you, I feel that I get the most support of what I have gone through, primarily via this OCF forum. One part of your original message I had to think over. It is when you state that you were never particularly close prior to dx and received only one visit from family during treatment. Ironically, I can relate. My only sibling, has given me the time of ONE disinterested phone call, and like Mellay, the only close girlfriend I had in town just totally disappeared right after dx. Although my treatment and surgery was less disfiguring than what you have posted, I must admit that I sometimes thought I was a monster.

I have long since given up on expecting any sort of compassion or decent behavior from outside family members. At this point, I count my blessings that I have my spouse and children. Instead of a girlfriend, my local pal is an interesting gay friend that told me "I never would run out on someone because of illness" In thinking over the past ten months of diagnosis, treatment and this long slow process of recovery, it's ironic how far I've come without the support of the people I thought were friends or had some biological connection to me.

It is most wonderful that most of the people posting have these wonderful supportive others in their lives to help them get through this. I had to realize that the people in my life were "limited" I had to face the fact that no matter how much I desired to be treated with dignity, compassion or even with some sort of normal interaction, it was not going to happen with the characters involved.

I must say, I've received more kindness from strangers over the past couple of months. Since this has probably been my toughest year ever, I don't have much use for people that treat me like crap. I really can't afford emotionally to allow people to kick me when I'm already as far down as I possibly can be---related or not.

Right now it's hard to have a positive attitude, but hopefully through sheer determination we all make it day by day, week by week and month by month until we crawl out of that dark hole.

It might be useful to contact your nearest cancer society if you need support. At least fellow cancer folks have the ability to relate. I've found it useful to sort of "rebuild" my support group.

Hope things improve for you. And DO stay in touch

Jen