Michelle,

I am so sorry you and Marcy and your family have to go through this terrible time. Gary is right, though. Although it is very hard to watch Marcy suffer, you will be glad later that you were there for her when she needed you most. Have you asked hospice if they can send people in more often? The nurses may only need to come twice a week, but there should be volunteers that can come more often.

Mark is right. You do need to try to get some time for yourself if you can. But I know how hard that is. Heather also wanted me with her all the time and I felt I needed to be there. She really didn't want strangers bathing her, helping her use the toilet, and later changing her diapers. Helping her keep as much of her dignity as possible was the least I could do.

I do hope you are using this time to recall childhood memories and rehash the good times you have had together. Watch some of your favorite movies together, home movies of your family if you have any. Look through old picture albums. Sit and hold hands and "take a stroll down memory lane". Those are the things you will cherish later.

Marcy's face must be terribly swollen if it looks as though it might explode. Have the hospice nurses given any indication of how they feel about the way this is progressing? There are certain indicators they watch for. Like Gary said, they can take the mystery out of much of this, but you need to ask them your questions, both medical and spiritual. And let them know if you need more help. They are there to help not only Marcy, but you and your family as well.

If I can be of any help, please feel free to e-mail me.

Mark,
The bowel problem may be from the meds, but my guess is that it has to do with the metastasis to the spine. With Heather, we had been told that as the spinal tumor grew, it would start to affect her lower body, inc. the bowels. Also her pain got so bad that she couldn't sit up to use the toilet. Once the spine is involved, pain control is iffy. The only way to keep Heather's pain at bay was to keep her asleep, and even that was sometimes hard to do.

Rainbows & hugs,
Rosie