Welcome to OCF, Rayster! Im so glad you have found our site to help you get thru everything!!! Being among other oral cancer (OC) patients/survivors who have already been thru the hard times helps make it a little easier. We completely understand every single thing you are dealing with and we know how to make this as easy as possible. When you get a cancer diagnosis out of the blue it is NOT easy to handle mentally. If you have not yet checked in to see a therapist, Id suggest doing so ASAP as it can take weeks to get in as a new patient. Many patients will need the help of a therapist and anxiety meds to get thru their diagnosis, treatment and recovery, the meds can also take weeks to kick in. Its nothing to be ashamed of, even quite a few caregivers need the extra help as well. I found it very helpful top focus on what is within my control... any "what if" thinking is unproductive and just making everything harder than it needs to be. Try to stay as busy as possible to keep your mind engaged with positive things like reading a good book, doing complicated puzzles, watching a complex movie are all a few things to help get past this initial shock phase. Every single day push yourself to do only positive, productive things that will in the long run help you down the road when you will be going thru treatment and/or recovery.

At first theres a million an d one appointments (at least it sure seems like that many) which have patients running all over the place. As you tell people about your illness, many will offer their help. At this time its far too early to know what you will need. Tell everyone you will let them know when the time comes what they can do to help. Be prepared for friends and relatives to have varying reactions to your news. Some who you are closest to may run for the hills pulling a shocking disappearing act while those who arent close may turn into your biggest supporters and cheerleaders. Write down every single person who offers their help with complete contact info. If possible after you get a decent list going (10-12 or more) people think of one of those people who could be in charge of relaying info to everyone. Its a good idea to select someone other than your spouse as the info relay person. There really are tons of things others can do... take your little one for a day of fun, walk the dog, mow the grass, pick up groceries or cook a meal for your family, pick up prescriptions, do a load of laundry, drive you one day a week to rads (if you do rads), sit at the hospital taking a "shift" so your spouse can tend to things at home are just some of the little things that can help make this so much easier for you and your spouse.

Do your best to think positive and not focus on the doom and gloom of worrying about things that are too far down the road. At this point you do not even have a treatment plan in place so its very very early to even consider a recurrence. Most patients do NOT have recurrences! Those being treated at the countrys top comprehensive cancer centers (CCC's) have the best odds of not going thru a recurrence. If at all possible try your best to have treatment at a CCC. Please let me know if you need the list of CCCs. I suggest a better focus of energy is to focus on something to help get your medical team selected and get a second (or third) opinion. Any extra stress you bring upon yourself at this time only makes things so much harder than this needs to be. Read posts here and info on the main OCF site to learn about your illness so you can become a strong advocate for yourself. Of course none of this will be easy but with us by your side, you will get thru this and get back to your regular life. It will take time to bounce back but thats getting too far ahead. Take things day by day.

Hang in there!!!