Hi Katy - welcome to the family. It's a big one, many thousand strong and here to help you along your journey. We really do know what you are facing; we've all been there.

Don't apologize for anything, ever. Battle with the C is a big thing, it may be one of the defining chapters in your life. Notice I said MAY. I just finished treatment one month ago and in all honesty for me it wasn't a big deal, and that's because I had very few side effects from radiation (no chemo). It's easy to stay positive when you don't hurt. On the other hand, some of our members had a lot of side effects and a lot of pain; their journey was kinda miserable, but still very much doable. Where will you fit in this spectrum, who knows, everyone is different. Right now, just adopt a wait and see attitude. It will be what it will be, and worrying about it won't help or change anything.

All the emotions you've felt so far are completely normal. I faced them too, we all did. Having said that, one of the biggest hurdles you will face is the one you put inside your own head, specifically worry and what it can lead to; depression. Some of our members fight a real battle with it and it only makes the battle harder and more miserable. You have to learn to NOT let worry ruin your life over the next two months as you go through treatment. You have to put it down, to cast it away.

How do you do that? You stay busy with all the other parts of your life. You don't spend the unused minutes of your day thinking about your disease. You look for enjoyable things to spend those precious few minutes on, a good book, holding and playing with your children or talking with your husband or your parents, or your friends (and NOT about cancer). You watch a good movie, or go for a walk and feel the sunshine on your face. You bake a good dessert, and then eat it. You look for and then do the pleasant things of life.

Yes, you spend some time here on the forum as you have a steep learning curve to climb. But, you don't let what has happened to others affect you. You don't know that the same will happen to you. You may be lucky and get through this without a lot of side effects.

In my signature are three posts that describe in detail my journey. Your journey may be similar, or it may be vastly different. Whatever happens we will be here to help you along the way. All you have to do is just tell us about it.

good luck, you will do just fine

Tony