Dear Bette, I have been thinking of you. I know this is very difficult for you and it is still early days. Would you consider seeing a grief counsellor?
I think it is normal to cry all the time at this stage. Hell, I cried for weeks after each of Kris's diagnosis. But the important thing is that you have longer and longer times of not crying. Would Reggie like to see you so distraught? I'm sure he wants you to live and enjoy your life, full of memories of your life together.
You can still use that motor home. Grab one of your girlfriends- maybe she is widowed too - and do those trips you had planned. Take a grandchild with you for company. Forge new memories and share Reggie with them.
You are a strong woman. You will get through this.
My thoughts are with you,
Tammy

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!