My husband Reggie passed away peacefully in his sleep on Thursday morning. He faught a good fight, but he was not getting any better after this last so invasive surgery. I will miss him so much and must learn to live with a hole in my heart. He was the love of my life.

Bette,

There are no words to express my remorse at your loss. You amd Reggie are in my prayers.

Bette, I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved husband Reggie!

Bette, I am so very sorry to hear about Reggie's passing. Sending your family prayers for comfort, strength and guidance during this dark hour, Ana

Bette,

I am so sorry to hear of the passing of another one of our family, your beloved husband Reggie. Words cannot fix that hole in your heart and I offer my sincerest condolences and hope you can find comfort and also hope every day your pain becomes more tolerable. Our hearts all cry for you. And your loss.

Ed

I am so very sorry for your loss. May he rest in peace, free of pain, free of this oral cancer demon. My thoughts are with you and your family and friends.

Donna

Bette, I am shocked to read this. My heart is crying for you. I had noticed that you had not posted for a while.
Bette, you were a fantastic caregiver and advocate for Reggie. You fought strongly for his recovery and health.
Reggie is at peace now and I sincerely hope that you find your own peace and solace.
Thinking of you, Reggie and your family .
Take care Bette,
Tammy

Dear Bette,
I am deeply sorry for the loss of the love of your life. He had endured so much and I am glad that he passed peacefully. No one should ever have to go through what he did, and you by his side. I will hold you in thought, close to my heart, that you find some peace and comfort each day.
Please come back here for support.
Sincerely,
Kerri

Dear Bette,
I am so sorry to hear of Reggie's passing. I know he is at peace now, but I'm so sorry for your loss. As I said to Wendy, I can't even imagine.
Please stay with us and let us know how you are coping.
Blessings my sister,
Kathy

Bette, I was so sorry to see your post. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Bette I am so sorry to read this and that you are now part of this subgroup. Like you said, he is no longer suffering and he was so courageous as were you. He was fortunate to have you by his side. Please take time for yourself and we are here for you.

My heart goes out to you in the loss of your husband, i lost my husband joel 6 months ago and also was the love of my life, almost 30 years married, i have learned to stay busy or when i am home alone, i tend to miss him so much and think about him. mornings seem to be worse for me for some reason. i am trying to pick up the pieces with the help of good family and friends, but i have to believe he is not in pain anymore and my faith helps to keep me going.

The days drag on. The nights are even longer. It's so very hard to go from being a 24/7 caregiver to having nothing. I miss him so much.

Oh Bette, I know you miss Reggie.
You are in the position none of us caregivers want to be in. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you.
Do you have a support group of girlfriends who you can spend the days with? Meeting for lunch and coffees. Walks, where you can just talk about Reggie and your grief. Are any family nearby? Or can you go stay with family for a while?
I know you have to get on with your life, but grieve and talk about Reggie to whoever will listen.
Chemically assisted sleep helps too.
I'm thinking of you Bette,
Tammy

I feel your pain, i am still struggling with missing my husband as well...were never apart for very long...a lot of emptiness. I am doing my best to work through it, but staying busy is what is working for me, took up zumba to try and let out my frustrations and to help get me in shape and be able to sleep at night, it is lonely at night, since my daughter is grown and not here with me. It has been 6 months for me, and i still cry when i am home alone or if someone i know talks about him, not sure when that will get better.

I am so lost. To go from a 24/7 caregiver to nothing is so very hard. To loose the love of my life so very suddenly when I thought he would pull through and get better is so very hard. The two of us had so many plans for when he got better. Traveling in our new motorhome and enjoying his recent retirement from 43 years with the phone company. I just miss him so very much and wish I could get a muligan. I cry all the time and need him in my life. I hope someday this will all get better....

Dear Bette, I have been thinking of you. I know this is very difficult for you and it is still early days. Would you consider seeing a grief counsellor?
I think it is normal to cry all the time at this stage. Hell, I cried for weeks after each of Kris's diagnosis. But the important thing is that you have longer and longer times of not crying. Would Reggie like to see you so distraught? I'm sure he wants you to live and enjoy your life, full of memories of your life together.
You can still use that motor home. Grab one of your girlfriends- maybe she is widowed too - and do those trips you had planned. Take a grandchild with you for company. Forge new memories and share Reggie with them.
You are a strong woman. You will get through this.
My thoughts are with you,
Tammy

Ive also been thinking of you, Bette. Was hoping you were able to find some peace of mind thru this tragedy. I just cant imagine how hard it must be for you.

One of my close friends lost her husband very unexpectedly. She was devastated. It took her a very long time even with seeing a grief counselor to come to terms with losing her husband. Its not something that has a timetable. It will take lots of time to adjust to such a traumatic major life event.

You have many friends here so please dont be a stranger. We all care.

(((HUGS)))

Bette - it will get better and time will soften the hurt you are feeling. Stay close to family and friends that can help you share the grief. I'm sure Reggie is close to you in spirit, holding you in his arms and helping to soften the sadness. Such good and thoughtful suggestions you have received above. Take your own time to get thru the sadness and small steps toward the happier moments you shared with Reggie. Stay with us here so we know how you are doing.

Just thought I would check in and let everyone know that I am struggling. Life is so out of balance. Not having Reggie here with me doing just the ordinary of things together is very painful. I have decided to go seek the consultation of a medium/pyshic. I hope that will help with this terrible guilt that I carry with me. If only I had been awake the night he passed maybe i could have kept him alive. I know he didn't want to die. We had so any plans and dreams.................

I'm so sorry that you are struggling so - and going over the "if only's" can be so painful because there is no real answer. What is true is that you were the very best caregiver anyone could have been for Reggie. I do hope that seeing a medium/psychic can make you feel better but I really think that (as Christine has suggested) an experienced and qualified grief counselor could help give you some perspective that could help you work through your feelings. Do check back with us and let us know what's happening.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I pray that in time, your happy memories will start to ease the pain you feel now. Another OCF angel is walking the strets of Heaven. I wish you peace and strength.

Donna

Oh Bette! Please dont blame yourself! Reggie was very sick and he was in recovery mode which is not easy. You did a great job taking care of him with love and compassion. Your questions here were always trying to help him or to make things easier on him.

In time it will become easier. Until then it would help you to seek out a grief counselor to help. Give it a try, it cant hurt. It may help to talk with a professional therapist more than someone who has not been thru years of schooling, studying known subjects. You may also need some anxiety meds to help for a while. Its a terrible thing what you are going thru! I have a close friend who lost her husband suddenly, it has taken her 5 years to finally tell me she is happy again in her life. Sorry, but Im not a believer in psychics and mediums but everyone to their own ideas. I just see things as black and white while others may see it differently. I wish you can have some peace of mind and maybe that will help you to feel a tiny bit better.

(((HUGS)))

Bette

Even if you had been awake, there was nothing you could have possibly done to save Reggie. There is no reason to feel guilty over something that was impossible to do.
That is the grief talking. You are living my wife's worst fear. She would wake all thru the night to see I was still alive but I keep telling her there would nothing she could do.

Please focus on the facts. Reggie loved you. Reggie knew you loved him. He would not want you to be suffering like this.
While I do not believe in mediums, if they really truly could contact Reggie what he would say is
I love you Bette. There is nothing you could have done. I am waiting here for you. We will be together again. Just you wait and see. Be patient my love. Our love will last forever

Bette my dear,

I cannot add anything to what Charm has so eloquently written. I can only send my condolences and wish you peace.

Peace and love,

Eric

Bette,
Listen to Charm's words. They are perfect...and spoken from the male patient no less!!
Praying for you to find peace in your grief.
Kathy

Bette,

I am so very sorry to read this sad news about Reggie's passing.
Wishing you peace and healing. I know this is a very tough time.

Sending you love.

Kate

Bette, I'm so terribly sorry. Love from Linda

Bette:

I, too want to add my sympathy for your terrible loss. One thing's for certain though, Reggie will be your Guardian Angel and always watch over you. Your love and memories of him will keep him very much alive in your heart.

julieann

Hope each day gets a little easier and am sending my condolences on your loss!! Semper-Fi Bob

My thoughts, and prayers are with you.