Hugs girl... I totally get it... I was the same way from the minute I was dx'd - I was - get it the hell out now. You are actually part of a small demorgraphic... Pandora here (my Canadian compatriot) has also had a second primary 2 years out and she's still here and doing well... There was someone else as well way back - they went for a different try of treatment - but as far as i know theyre still around. Good thing is you don't need your tonsil - so hopefully they'll throw the book at you medically and scare that crap away! good luck Wednesday!