I should rename this thread "New Primary Tumour". It's not a recurrence. I wish I could say "It's not a tumour!" (like Arnold in "Kindergarten Cop")...ha, ha!

But, seriously, this is a new cancer and still not known if it's HPV+ or not. It's been 2 weeks. I called the cancer center again to see if pathology has a result. I guess it seems like longer than 2 weeks because I know I have this cancer in my body and I'm anxiously awaiting treatment to begin. I have an appointment this coming Monday to have my chemo port placed via interventional radiology. Also, waiting on rad schedule. All of this should happen in the next 1-2 weeks.

In the mean time, my husband and I are going to go away for a night...no kids, no distractions...just us...before the battle begins. We really need this. I just passed my first cancer-free anniversary at the end of March. It seemed like some semblance of normalcy had started to set in, then BAM! F'n cancer!

I'm scared. I have about one melt-down a day, short and effective. Then I try to put the demon in a box and imagine myself kicking it around, taking a baseball bat to it, whatever...I guess I have a lot of anger, too! All normal, I know. It's easier to be angry than sad, but I waver between both.

Regardless, each day I see plenty of reasons to be grateful. I know I have so much more than some people who aren't as fortunate. I have love of my family and friends who will do anything in my power to help me. I live just north of a medical mecca where I am getting top-notch care.

As you may well see, my emotions are all over the place. I'm trying to do the best I can. The other day, I took a long nap and I woke myself up laughing hysterically. I wish I could remember what was so funny! That would be nice!