Callie,
I have been exactly where you are. In Feb. we were told that the tumour at Kris's Base of tongue was back and extending down into his larynx. Our only option was the total glossectomy and total laryngectomy. I was terrified. I also cried and cried. I took sleeping pills, sometimes 2 in order to sleep. I grieved for both Kris and myself. The thought of never hearing his voice again was devastating. We were told that he would be dead within the year without this surgery. This was his only option.
So 2 weeks later Kris had the surgery and 4 weeks after this he came home. He has gone from strength to strength. It has not been an easy journey for either of us, but I love him to bits and fight for him and encourage him constantly.
He communicates at this stage using an IPad and the speakit app. It is slow but okay.
He has mastered the art of swallowing and drinks all his Fortisip plus other drinks. At this stage he refuses to try anything thicker than thin fluids. We use the PEG for medications only.
We have both learnt and adapted to cope with the permanent trache. Yes it is quite disconcerting to begin with . This is all about adapting to what life has thrown in our path.
You can do this. I am also a believer in strong family love helping Kris to get through..
We were told that this surgery was our only option for life.
Would we take this option again? You bet. I also would recommend you record your husbands voice. He will get another voice eventually as laryngectomees do learn alternative methods of speech, but do record his current voice. I miss Kris's voice.
I suggest you talk to your family Dr and ask for some help to get you through this acute stage. You will get through it. Please email or pm me if you want. I am always here for you. Thinking of you and your family, sending you strength and strong positive thoughts. Don't borrow sorrow from tomorrow.
Tammy