Billy,

I have been through two and 1/2 years of it not ending, although I am so far (knock on wood, ENT checkup tomorrow) cancer-free. I have had espohageal strictures, a stent in my throat, dilations, recurrence scares and have severe trismus and swallowing problmes and will probably eventually have severe dental problems if I live long enough to have them. I have had a lot worse stuff to deal with than most people, on top of it I have a husband who keeps emotionally abandoning me whenever I'm at my most vulnerable and recently my father died.

All I can say is the alternative to it not ending is death, and even though all this stuff just sucks lots of the time, I'd rather be on this side of the grass.

I know if you are depressed this can be hard to hear but the secret to getting through things for me has been gratitude for the things I have--and a willingness to accept that grief, sadness and loss are a part of life and I love life even with all those things in it. I had a very good counselor for a couple of years, who I stoppped seeing simply because things seemed to have stabilized a little this summer, but I know she's always there if I need her and her support has been invaluable to me.

Nelie