Thanks for the support Julieann, Debbie and Paula!

I am starting to get my emotions under control to the point that I am able to talk with friends and relatives without breaking down. My biggest issue when I first found out about his affair was that if the cancer came back where would my support come from, if not my husband? (Selfish I know) I now know that many family members, and some friends would step in and help as needed.

I have also realised that I am strong enough to move ahead by myself if that's what I need to do, but I find it difficult to envisage ever having a new relationship with all of the physical and self esteem changes this cancer has brought - scarring, nerve damage, PEG, swallowing issues etc.

I still don't know whether I am able to forgive my husband and we are taking it one day at a time. Although we are living apart we are in daily contact and for the time being things are amicable. The trust issue is my biggest concern, I can't envisage that I could take hime back without regaining some degree of trust first.

I will continue with counselling and take it one day at a time. It's a bit like going through treatment again except this time it's a purely emotional rollercoaster......and I'm still in that dark tunnel.