Hi Karen. Reading your post takes me right back to where I was just a few months ago. My husband has his own business. I work full-time as a Secretary at a hospital and I carry the insurance for us. Taking time off to stay home was not an option. I arranged rides to and from treatment for the last 4 weeks of John's treatments. There is no way he could have driven himself. It took all his energy just to get out the door by 10:30am every day for treatment. I had a very difficult time getting John to use the feeding tube and get enough nutrition in him. Eventually I just told him that his body would take twice as long to heal and that the treatments would not be as effective without proper nutrition and hydration. He did have to go back to "Infusion" twice for rehydration. Even with the feeding tube he lost 30 lbs, which he couldn't afford to loose. He eventually started dumping the cans into the pump and would just watch tv and sleep on the sofa (sitting up) for a few hours to get the cans and water in.

You NEED to take time for yourself. It will make taking care of him a little easier. I work full-time at the hospital and I waitress part-time 3 nights a week, so I am very busy but I made time for me. I would take a 20 minute bubble bath with a nice glass of wine or go get my nails done. I also kept a personal journal which really helped me to deal with my emotions which were all over the place. I didn't feel comfortable sharing my fears, sadness and frustration with my kids and family so this gave me a way to release all of those feelings. Being a "caregiver" is so......difficult. You want to be there all the time for your husband but can't, I understand completely. I also would feel "lonely" when I would be at home because John couldn't talk to me and would be sleeping a lot. It will get better.

John couldn't talk for about a month so I couldn't even talk to him on the phone during the day. I would send him e-mails and leave him love letters and cards. I did everything I could to be his #1 cheerleader and only broke down in front of him once or twice. I used to cry a lot in my car driving to and from work. Is your husband taking anything for the nausea? My husband had to take both Zofran and compazine up to a month out of treatment the nausea was so bad. Hang in there. Hugs, Wanda