Angelina, I can say that I can relate to you in some ways. My speech was more affected by facial paralysis then by my mandiblectomy/fibular free flap. Anyway I managed hotels in my previous life and due to my severe speech impediment, I am no longer able to do what I did before cancer. I get stared at wherever I go due to my scars and disfigurement due to the facial paralysis. I've been called retarded several times and people generally have the "what the hell happened to you" reaction to me and some have even said that to me.

I made my living and got to my station in my field due to my ability to speak, publically and in a sales/customer environment. The way I looked helped me in everything I did, not to sound pompus at all, however I made sure I was meticulously dressed and groomed at all times. Now I look totally different, horribly disfigured and I lost 70lbs so none of my fine clothing fit. I look like hell and that draws a lot of attention.

I have a hard time seeing myself in the mirror or even pictures of me from before cancer and not breakdown. I know that eventually I have to come to grips with my "new" self but I loved the old me and I'm still a little bitter losing that.