Dear Tamara -

I am so sorry you have to go through this. I just recently lost my husband (2 weeks ago) and those final weeks and days are absolutely heartrending, because you can't talk to him and you can't know how aware he is, and there's no one else who would understand what you've been through or what you feel except him. It's the most helpless I've ever felt. It's a double-edged sword...you can't stand to not be with him, and you can't stand to see him suffer, and you do have to leave for periods of time. And I understand about the odor...it's ghastly. My husband had open tumors all over the lower part of his face and neck, and the smell was there all the time.

On my husband's last day, I was there by his side all day, as were many of his friends and family members. Around 11:00, everyone else left, but still I was there. I dozed off somewhere around 2:00 a.m., and he left while I was sleeping. It's like he knew and didn't want to go while I was awake.

You're in my thoughts & prayers. Stay strong.......


Wife of Russ, 51, who was diagnosed with Stage IV 4cm tumor in mouth floor, jawbone, and tongue in June, 2008. Had aggressive chemo & radiation. Tried & failed to have a resection in March, 2009. Was in hospice care from March 13 until he left this earth on April 10, 2009.