Becky, the single most important thing you can do is to get your case seen at a comprehensive cancer center (CCC).

They see hundreds of cancer cases every year, not a handful like a single Doc might see in his/her practice. They also bring a multitude of cancer professions to the table to look at your case -- All of these people are keeping up with the latest and best in treatments, and you don't get stuck with one person's possibly erroneous opinions. They may approve your Doc's approach or may suggest something different based on their expertise.

Here's a list from this site of CCC's:

http://www.oralcancerfoundation.org/resources/cancer_centers.htm

When I had my recent bout with oral cancer, had there not been a good free-flap CCC here in Washington, I'd have gone to M D Anderson in Houston. People travel from several states away to come here to Washington.

Don't be afraid of annoying your Doc by getting a second opinion; a good Doc will respect you for it and encourage you to do it and who cares about how a less-than-good Doc feels?