Boy Michelle you have your hands full. The day I broke my husband away from his anger and formed an amazing TEAM was the first visit to the chemo office. He was so angry and nothing I said was agreeable to him. I was taking him to get a hair cut and I told him "I wont say another word". I dropped him off (he expected me to go with him) and I headed to a parking lot to cry. He called my cell when he was done and asked "are you coming back to get me?" I said yes and he apologized and since that day we have had bad moments but it always goes back to the understanding that we are a TEAM. If he does well, I do well. If the doctors are proud that he didnt loose too much weight this week, then they are proud of us both. And so it goes.

In my experience it is so much better when treatment started because you have focus and drive. Crush those pills, fill those feeding tube bags with Ensure, take that temp, feed the kids, make the kids smile, make your husband smile. Call your best friend when you are at your darkest moment.
I am lucky to be working for a company who treats their employees as family but that is still a balancing act for me. I dont want to abuse the freedom and today he went to ENT doctor by himself! My husband is on Short Term Disablity from work and working via his lap top when he can (been a while).

So to make a long story short...I made my one line statement "I wont say another word" and stepped back. I think his friends pointed out that he couldnt take his anger out on his biggest ally.

Good Luck to your TEAM.