I know this is probably not a new subject, but it is new to me. I am 7 weeks post treatment (tonsil,neck cancer) and doing pretty well. I have quite a bit of energy and really the only thing physically I have to complain about it is this resistant Thrush. I have been dealing with. This has been of and on for a couple months. I have had Fluconazole in May which seemed to help, then 6/23 I got it back and got Diflucan which seemed to help for a while then 7/20 I realized I had it back again and started Diflucan again ( I had a renewable perscription and called the nurse) I finished that but still had thrush so I called the Dr and he started me on it again 8/02 till I came down there to see him and then he changed it to itraconazole. this stuff is nasty. I am to swish and swallow 20 ml on an empty stomach once a day. nothing to eat for 3 hours before and 1 hour after. Well I do it and then spend 1/2 hour or so wretching. I can't eat for like 2 hours after and then its iffy.

I can't really eat, I am still on the feeding tube cause my throat hurts too much from the thrush. He also suggested eating yougurt so I started that too. for pain I am on Morphine 10ml every 6 hrs and a fentnyl patch.

OK...now for the rest of the problem. I feel like I am crawling out of my skin. I live in a pretty big house that feels too small, like claustiphobia, I get out and walk quite a bit which helps a little. I feel anxious. Mostly I feel like what is the point of life. I have a job which I am on leave from and can't really get back to for a month or two. I need to get rid of this thrush and the feeding tube. But in the meantime I am shaky,and depressed probably. I have never questioned what we are alive for before as a serious question. It like so what's the point..get up do some pointless things go to bed. I imagine this is pretty typical depression talking.

I read what some of you have gone through and then I feel guilty. I had stage 4 tonsil cancer which according to the PET scan I took 8/6 is gone. The surgeon wants to do another one in another 6 weeks or so and is still talking surgery. To take out the knodes. I guess there is one "persistant" node that doesn't show any cancer in the Pet scan but he'd like to take out., MY feeling is I've been hurt enough I just would like to get back to being able to eat normally and not have my throat hurt all the time. I am thinking if I can just get back to work and start drinking and eating I can get past this anxiety

Meanwhile I am a wreck. What is kinda getting me through the day is trying to find anything to keep me busy physically. Watching TV or reading gives my mind to much time to wander.

Anybody got other ideas, a good book on this problem ( other then the bible thanks)