Mica,

Thrush was my best friend - couldn't imagine life without it. I wake up, it's there. I try to eat, forget it. The pharmacy was probably getting a wholesale discount from me alone!!

I bought a tongue scraper (looks like a plastic triangle on a tootbrush handle - $3.29 at a pharmacy near you), and that seemed to help a bit. Don't go crazy and scrape until you bleed (tried that, wasn't pretty), but it helps.

As for the depression, I'm right with you Mica. One minute I'm crying from happiness because I saw a cardinal fly by. The next minute I'm crying because life seems pointless (whole get up, go to bed, and do it again the next day). It DOES get better. Definitely talk to the doctor about some happy pills to get you through this. There's nothing wrong with it.

As for the anxiety, my first two weeks back at work my chest would constrict, I'd be terribly anxious, my hands would start shaking, etc. Eventually I reminded myself that I went through hell, and no one and nothing there could compare to it. I haven't had that anxiety feeling since (point being, try to identify what's causing your anxiety), and I've stood up for myself when a particular guy there's being a jerk. Boy has it been nice to get back that "sass" I loved(the last three years of my life I sadly noticed it had disappeared. It was a trait I had loved about myself and couldn't get back until now)!

Mica, sometimes venting honeslty does the trick. I'd whip off emails to friends - the ones who innocently asked how I was doing - and I told them EXACTLY how I was feeling. Just typing it out, hitting those keys with anger, to someone other than my doctors/immediate family/other patients made me feel so much better. And my friends were happy (believe it or not) to be my ventees. So many told me how helpless they felt not being able to help, and surprisignly, confiding in them made them feel like they WERE doing something. And it helped me! ALOT!!

So vent here, vent there, kick something givable and not alive, get some happy drugs, and keep trucking. It WILL get better.

Sabrina