Sandy,

Brian and Ed are telling it straight. Like me, they are concerned that you are not "getting it." That's not a judgement on your character, just concern for your emotional and physical well-being. (My late husband died from SCC; he had smoked the most expensive pipes and drank the most expensive Sherry and Irish Whiskey for 29 years. This past March, when he was told he had a few weeks to live, don't you bet he regretted every smoke and drink he'd ever had. We had only been married 22 months when he died. He had stopped smoking and drinking just after our marriage. Sadly, the damage to his body was already done.)

Brian rightly pointed out that change "has to come from within you, outsiders like us can only offer you support as you try, and a prod when you need it."

So, here's my prod because I care about what happens to you.

Christine