Sandy, just remember that the recurrence rate for those who return to tobacco and alcohol after this is VERY high. Many studies have been published about this. The treatment options the next time around are very few, and the ones the doctors offer you will be grossly extensive. In relationship to the head and neck, think extensive salvage surgery, and removal of major body parts. For the rest of your body you can add dealing with second primary cancers in major organs that most often are fatal. This is not something to screw around with or take lightly. While I respect your right to do what ever you wish, perhaps you may need some conseling like I did. While mine was for a different reason, continueing self destructive behaviours even after a brush with death, might mean that talking it through with a professional is in order. It will take a major amount of will power and desire on your part to get past these desires. That has to come from within you, outsiders like us can only offer you support as you try, and a prod when you need it.