Jean,
Think I know what you are asking about.

My husband finished his TXs for Tonsil cancer in Jan/2007.
When we were told by his first ENT after his operation to biopsy the bump (mistake on our part) the lymph node was very questionable.
Having 4 daughters in the room with me was eye opening. They all reacted differently to the news. The daughter who was very aggresive and asked all kinds of technical questions really upset the other three. They felt she just jumped in and didn't let the DR speak. Being the Mom I tried to let them all handle it their own way, needing some time to take a breath. Probably a mistake.
After a few minutes I stepped in and started to steer the questioning to the most positive place I could. The 3 sisters are still very upset with the 1, tho they love her dearly.
Sometimes it is not what you say or the questions you ask but how and when. There is a time and a place to ask questions. Also a way to do it.
Am not saying that your attitude or anything is wrong, please don't take it that way.
This is sooo hard to type. Wish I could explain.
Maybe I should just not post.

Sometimes the clinical and technical questions need to be asked in the most positive way. We have a wonderful team who are very open. Your brother might not need a PEG tube. We were very lucky that my husband did not.
It ain't easy and family is important so hang in there. It truly is a challenge but our family is so much tighter and loving because of the fight.
Will be thinking of you.
Maggie