Hello everyone,

My brother (42 y.o., non-tobacco user, social drinker) has Stage 3 SCC on his tongue (it progressed really fast from the time of diagnosis to his second appt). He is being treated at The University of Chicago and his treatment team seems pretty good. My mom has attended all his doctor visits with him and has also gone with him to chemo. I have gone to one doctor visit and one chemo session.

In two weeks, Joe will start outpatient radiation twice a day, 5 days/wk, 7 weeks. From what I have read on this board and elsewhere, the radiation seems like it can be brutal. I have suggested to my brother and mom that they might want to ask the cancer care team about getting a peg tube.

So, here's my general question. How can I get my brother and mom to start asking questions of the medical team, rather than just accepting what the team is saying? I ask questions and am pointedly told by my family that I am "too clinical" and "too negative". I want to be supportive, but it seems like no one else wants to be involved in his treatment! What in the world am I supposed to do? I don't feel welcome at his medical appointments, but I don't feel like I can just push my way in there. Should I do that?

This whole thing is just so scary and so weird. My dad had Parkinson's Disease for more than half of his life (he was diagnosed in his 30s) and it seems like my mom sometimes knew more about PD than the doctors. Now, she's just sitting there and not really asking questions. My brother is scared out of his mind and not asking questions.

I certainly will appreciate any input!

Jean