Thank you all so much ..this is soooooo hard , yet you all alreay know that ..I do not want another surgery ,,yet who does and I have to do what I have to do. I hate that my friend had to go through this..even more that she wants to chose when my visits would be convinent, of course now that i suggested that being the baby was fine the husband sleep at home an save them $150 then go back in the am ..I am insensitive and she wont speak to me . I have found out from her family baby is fine and they were coming home today. I know that now has to be about me ..I guess that is my problem I dont know how to make it aboout me ! And you are all right ,,we find out who are true friends are and even then they dont have a clue..some just try harder then others to understand. I start counseling tomorrow ..my gp thought it best...I have been pretty goo through most of this ..But Now I am starting to struggle.so I guess it is time ...Thanks so much to all of you for being there u are really are a big help and a main reason I have gotten through this so far!