Hi again Anne Marie 2007. 4.5 years ago I had to make a life change and at that time I felt like I was totally alone as well. That was all of my making though. That was my first experience with asking others for help. I had always been to proud to ask. Plus I figured it was a sign of weakness. They told me about this concept that I must surrender to win. With alot of effort, prayer and humility I became teachable. This concept of surrendering, allowing others, and for me a God, to help me my life and perception of life changed. I set out on a journey that I never expected. My life turned around and I wasn't alone anymore. I found that what made me feel alone was me. I learned how to be content with my own company. What I want to share with you is this, for 15 years due to loneliness I wasted alot of time in addiction. In July of 2002 that all changed. In March of 2005 I was diagnosed with MS. My wife was pregnant and I got scared, but I never felt alone. In December of 2006 I recieved my diagnosis of cancer. And I really never felt alone because the last 4.5 years taught me to accept others offers for help. I quit putting unrealistic expectations on myself and I also quit denying my family and friends the right to share there gifts of hope and action. Through all of this I have not had to return to any old coping skills and I have been extremely grateful for the number of family friends and strangers that have and continue to help me and my family. I asked them what the difference between the old days and now is and the said I didn't isolate myself anymore and that made it possible for them to do what they always wanted to do and that is share with me the way family does. As long as I'm a parent I am responsible for fighting for my life because I never want my little boy too feel like I ever felt like he alone wasn't enough to go through hell and back for. This is what keeps me humble and gives me the strength to persavere. Prayer has given me all I have needed and it has been humbling as well to know how many people took the time to pray for me and my family. That is why I said before that I could never say it sucks to be me because these challenges I have had to face allowed me to become a part of life. I thank my friends here on this forum and we will be here for you. This is tough but you can do this. And I'm sorry but I know you are not alone and if you have been blessed to be a parent for 5 years now and you are adopting this child it can't suck to be you. We'll do our best to help you navigate this difficult path but you have to put one foot in front of the other. You are not alone. Lee