Girl-you need to cry! Cry, cry, cry. It is normal. I can be driving in my car and tear up-Strong people need to and do cry! It is GREAT that treatment has started-it is unfortunate that you were blind sided. Do you have support? I have found that when I am temporarily relieved by a family member, I rejuvinate. My dad is my best friend, life line and soul. I feel you totally. Today he and I counted the positives together-we got up to 11!! Hang in there.