Oh my God, did a ton of bricks hit me today or maybe it was reality? There I was, happy about the tube feeding going well and Mom appeared to be getting a LITTLE pep back.

What I thought was a trip to the lab and then to the Doc to discuss when treatment begins turned into to Moms first chemo treatment. I can't describe the panic and major anxiety that overcame me. As I wathed and listened to all the prep, I thought I was going to to throw up.

After she given some bendryl and started to fall asleep, I went to move the car to a closer area and began to cry like a baby. Come on, I've always been a strong women and it's not like I didn't know where we were heading what is my problem? Just when I least expected it I caved! After I got it back "together" I went back to the treatment room. When the treatment was over, she received some morphine for pain. Which actually worked. She was given a script for some in liquid form. However, I still haven't gotten it filled due to local pharmacy not having it.

I don't really know why I'm rambling on like this, quess it's just been a day. I AM thankful that Mom has gained some pounds in last week via tube and that her labs were good enough to start treatment and for the fact that I can sit here and unload. Sorry for all the whining! There will be many more days like this wont there?

Bless all,
dee

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Mom has unresectable SCCHN -T1-3,T4,No,N1,N2-3_