First of all, I am not a Dr, and can only tell you my novice opinion on these issues.

I am very sorry that this dreaded disease hsa touched your life.

The good news is that your Mom is realatively young and has a problably treatable cancer.

Today, oral cancer can be treated, and even though surgery is not practicle, it may have been a bad first choice anyway given the effectiveness of chemo and radiation treatments.

Regarding staging, try not to get too wrapped up in this part. For one thing, it is a complicated formula used to determine the Stage, and Stage IV oral cancer is not the same thing as Stage IV Melanoma, Lung Cancer, etc.

Why are you being told Stage IV? Did it spread to lymph nodes? other areas?

Has she had CT/PET scan(s) and what do these reveal?

The G Tube is fine, no big deal and can be easily removed once she has completed treatment and is feeling better...

Now, what was done to find out she had cancer? Was there a biopsy performed? When?

What were the results of the pathology report from the biopsy?

Also, one of the main things you will hear over and over on this forum is the importance of good medical care.

Don't be so concerned about proximity to where she lives, if you need to you could travel anywhere.

You really need to make sure the treatment choice is a COMPREHENSIVE CANCER CENTER, or at least a CANCER CENTER as designated by the NIH, NCCN.

What type of chemo is she getting? What type of radiation in what doses?

What trials is she considering? Has she looked into Erbitux?

Your pain, tears, and hearache are all normal and expected at this point...In fact, something might be wrong if you didn't have feelings like this. The good thing is that you are in the RIGHT PLACE to get help, guidance, and commiseration.

You can help your Mom get through this, and hopefully it will be just a minor bump in the road.

Also, just do you know, FMLA (for employers with more than 50 emloyees) allows for 18 weeks unpaid leave. I can't recall if legally a parent qualifies, but I'd be happy to email you links if you need them later.

Regarding the clinical trials, let us know more, and there are some topics under the "Currently in Treatment" board.

Good luck. Be strong. -- Michael

Michael | 53 | SCC | Right Tonsil | Dx'd: 06-10-05 | STAGE IV, T3N2bM0 | 3 Nodes R Side | MRND & Tonsillectomy 06/29/05 Dr Fee/Stanford | 8 wks Rad/Chemo startd August 15th @ MSKCC, NY | Tx Ended: 09-27-05 | Cancer free at 16+ Yrs | After-Effects of Tx: Thyroid function is 0, ok salivary function, tinnitus, some scars, neck/face asymmetry, gastric reflux. 2017 dysphagia, L Carotid stent / 2019, R Carotid occluded not eligible for stent.2022 dental issues, possible ORN, memory/recall challenges.