Hi Sandy:
I sent you a reply this morning, but Christine was responding at the same time, so mine got ejected into outer space. So, let's try this again.

I'm sure you are scared witless right now. The surgery you just underwent is a major thing, and I'm sure it brings with it lots of pain. I can't even imagine what you are going through, but I suspect the high level of pain is probably one of the things that is clouding your judgment and making you the most scared. Will it ever go away - how long can I stand it - and a thousand other questions like it.

But, what I can do is be the outsider looking in and hopefully give you thoughts to help you get through each hour or each day, one at a time. Make no doubt about it, IF you are looking long term right now for the day you will be back to normal, with no or little pain, the light at the end of that tunnel is either not there or so dim as to be scary.

So, what do you need to do right now. Believe it or not you already know the answer. If you've read the OCF literature and others posts everyone keeps saying find positive things to take your mind OFF your troubles, even if it's just for an hour. Getting through this hour by hour, day by day is how we do it, and with the help of pain meds if necessary.

I've suggested to others to make a list, write it down and post it on your front door, so that when you are gripped by fear or panic you know where to walk too and read you list.

Some suggestions for the list - Join that internet movie rental company (I can't name it as that's advertising on the forum). In the Friends forum we have a movie and television show list of things you might not have seen yet, but that were found good by other forum members. All those shows are available for rent on the internet. Best thing of all, no commercials.

Likewise, Youtube also has a lot of stuff worth watching, particularly full shows by good comedians. Robin Williams, Kevin Hart, Kathleen Madigan, all the Redneck Comedy Tour guys (Foxworthy, White, Cable Guy and Engvall)

There are a LOT of full length music concerts on Youtube. My favorites are the Phil Collins concerts, but there are lots of bands available. I'm talking full length concerts here, the same ones people payed lots of money to buy tickets to go see.

Youtube also has full length movies. Type Armageddon into the search window and then look down the right side at all the others available.

What do all these things have in common? You don't have to go anywhere to do them. And for the most part they are free.

Go outside and just watch. Listen to the wind in the trees, feel the warm sun on your face, listen to the kids playing in the neighbors yard. Invite your neighbor over for coffee, but don't talk about cancer. Learn how to do something new that you don't know yet. You can learn anything on Youtube. I learned how to weld on Youtube. that might not appeal to you, but how to cook the perfect souffle might, or how to knit or crochet or even how to play bridge is there (I am a bridge fanatic, so I know what's on the internet)

Sandy, you can get through this, you will get through this. Just remember, it's one day at a time. If that's too big, it's one hour at a time.

Stiff upper lip girl.

Tony