Seana,
I want you to breathe a little bit now and then and relax. If you are a religious person, do like my mother did, and say to yourself, let go, let God. If you are not especially religious (or even if you are), the Buddhist meditation and breathing techniques will help you to quiet your thoughts and think more clearly. When my husband was first diagnosed, my brain just started racing, and I called my brother-in-law who is a great practitioner of mediation. He sent me a book, and said to do the breathing exercises, following my breathe as it goes in and out of the body. I will look up the book's title if you like!
Have to do some chores now but will check back later. You are not alone in this struggle.
Maria


CG to husband - SCC Tonsil T1N2M0 HPV+ Never Smoker
First symptoms 7/2010, DX 12/2010
TX 40 IRMT (1.8 gy) + 10 Cetuximab
PET Scans 6/2011 + 3/2012 clear, 5 year physical exam clear; chest CT's clear of cancer. On thyroid pills. Life is good.