I know this thread has been over for a while now, but it really struck a cord with me reading about how some people just can't handle others' illnesses. Last year I was a caregiver for about eight months. It was kind of out of the blue, I'm an accountant/tax professional, however I couldn't find work in my field and this "opportunity" came about. I was a little concerned about my own ability to handle the position.

The gentleman was an 89 year old farmer who was on hospice officially for COPD (farmer's lung). He had a whole host of other illnesses as well including diabetes, prostate cancer, heart disease, and skin cancers. He was for the most part wheelchair bound. He could walk short distances at times, or assist in his transfers, but he kept catching pneumonia and every time he did he would be unable to stand or walk for a while.

I was truly amazed at how much I was able to cope with. Medication administration, suppositories at times, bathroom issues (sometimes he could make it, many of the time he couldn't), excessive mucus, etc. I was there two to four days a week, 24 hours on the days I was there.

I must add that I was compensated, so this wasn't something I just started doing out of the kindness of my heart. However, I am a very caring person, and it broke my heart that his family members were so scarce most of the time. He owned a good amount of land in this small town he lived in and most of his family was within a five mile radius. His son was there every day, however briefly, because he worked the farm which was right on the property. However his daughters typically only showed up if he was very ill and we called them or if he had a doctor appointment. Grandchildren were even more scarce.

I'm sure that is more attention than some people have experienced, it was just heart breaking to me especially with everyone being so close. I would call to let them know he was having a good day and suggest they take him out or come hang out with him and they would act as though they thought it was a good idea and never show. Then on other occasions when he was doing poorly they would drag him out to some event he wasn't even coherent enough to remember had happened.

This is not to disparage their family, because they really are good people, but to say that there really are people out there who simply can't handle it, and some that are more interested in doing what is best for themselves rather than what is best for the patient. And you are all correct, they really are missing out on some important moments. I used to get sad when I was spending time with him because all I could think about was how the majority of his last days were being spent with complete strangers. Sure he got to stay at home, but often times he didn't recognize us.

All in all it was a rewarding experience because, while I didn't previously know the man, he had a lot of life experience to share. Also, it made me feel good to know that I was doing everything in my power to make his final months as comfortable, safe, and unlonely as possible.

A person really has to be able and willing to step outside of themselves and see things from the point of view of others. Some people simply can't or won't. They can't see past the day to day grind of their lives and their comparatively insignificant problems.

I will tell you what, that experience along with the very sudden passing of my father six years ago has changed my perspective on life so much. The things so many of us dwell on and worry about from day to day don't really seem to matter much when you look at the big picture.

I see people every day so much worse off than I am. They wander the streets with shopping carts, not knowing where their next meal is coming from. They are sick and unable to care for themselves with no loved ones to offer them support.

I think what I admire most about all of you going through this, caregivers and patients, is that you all seem to have this perspective too, and you seem to know what really matters in life. Perhaps it was the illness that brought it about or perhaps it was always there. I think the world would be a better place if everyone had this perspective, and of course if no one had this disease.